What Is A Good Coaching Question?

Any question that you already know the answer to is NOT a coaching question.   I learned very early that I was coloring the water, trying to lead my clients to the desired outcome.  I was training!   Once I learned this, I started working with my field leaders on this and have witnessed the culture beginning to change.

Questions are for all areas of our business:  Prospecting, Booking, Hostess Coaching, Sponsoring, Team Building.

I have observed that we have been “telling” our prospects what we thought they needed to know instead of asking questions to uncover their real needs.  This became transformational for the team.  It seems so normal once I was aware of it.   I didn’t know what I didn’t know!  I always called it hostess “coaching” and in reality it was hostess “telling”.  With this new found knowledge in coaching and allowing the hostess to create the party of her dreams for her friends, I found that they were taking ownership and wouldn’t think of cancelling it.   Spa cancellations can become a thing of the past!   We are still in the infant stages of creating this culture and are excited that new results are beginning to sprout.

I believed I was coaching my teams.

I asked questions.

I listened.

I gave feedback.

I learned that I’m a fantastic trainer!

I asked questions, yes, but in a training mode with the end in mind—my end, my agenda.   What I learned was that when I let go of the outcome and listened from a place of curiosity, I could allow someone to discover their own solution.

I didn’t need to “fix” anyone or anything as they are whole and complete and hold the answer within them.   I’d been an innate “fixer” for many years.

The weight that lifted from my shoulders from not having to fix anyone was amazing.  As I shared these concepts with my team, I saw they had the same revelation as I.  They worked under the premise that they needed to have the answers.  They had to know all, be all!  Imagine the burden that was lifted from their shoulders when they discovered that the answer was within each person.

Using questions to connect with the emotional why, not stopping at the material why will connect the individual to do what is necessary to reach that dream.  Most stop at the material why, not digging deeper to connect with their heart.  The heart tug is what will give focus to their direction and keep that focus when a road block occurs.  It’s all discovered with questions.

One of my favorite phrases I’ve learned and use is, “you don’t know what you don’t know”.   As humans we spend a great deal of time reliving the past and beating ourselves up when we misstep.

When you realize that you now are looking at that past situation with a different view, you can be objective, learn from it and move forward.  Each moment provides a learning opportunity and it’s our choice how we use that opportunity, to grow or to stand still.  Becoming friends with your inner critic and admitting you don’t know what you don’t know is liberating and exhilarating to the soul!

I had to grow before I could help others grow. If I wanted more, I had to become more first.  Coach school has taught me how to take my skills to the next level and share those with my team, helping them to become better leaders and growing in their personal and professional life.   I had to grow in my communication skills before I could expect them to grow in their skills.  I have been blessed with opportunity to interact with wonderful mentors through my association with the Coach Excellence Program. They not only speak their truth and greatness.  They live their greatness as true examples of what they teach.

My passion is to help create a coaching culture within my team.  Since this experience has been transformational in my life, I want to share it and be a change agent, to model for others how learning the true skill of coaching can enrich their life and help them achieve their dreams.

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DiSC Communication

Learning the DiSC communication styles and how they could benefit my business with the field leaders was a major asset I got through the DSWA Coach Excellence program.

I was familiar with the communication styles prior to coach school. This program, however, went beyond just learning the characteristics of each style.  We learned the art of adapting our style to their style during interactions with others and how each style reacts to stress, their fears, and their strengths.  Speaking with them in their style allows me to avoid dismissing them because of our differences and allows them the confidence to speak their truth.

Communication Is Not Always Easy

Did this come easy?  Absolutely not!

New skills take time to build.  My brain actually hurt when I first practiced coaching and not training.  Am I perfect at this new way of thinking and acting?  Absolutely not!  My awareness of word choices, tone and pace during conversations and how they are perceived by others has allowed me to grow in my leadership.  When you let go of the outcome, you are able be objective and honor someone’s greatness.

Others have noticed the difference in my language and communication styles.  Do I still get stressed?  Absolutely!  I’m now just more equipped to handle it in a positive, productive manner–not allowing it to become permanent.  Now, when I receive a call from a leader asking how to handle a situation with another leader, we can talk about each individual’s style and how to honor each person by playing to their strengths to come to a resolution; we are growing both people and avoiding negative feelings.

When I’ve shared these concepts with my field leaders, I’ve been delighted to watch them discover the beauty of holding someone whole and complete, speaking with others in their communication style, respecting others for their diversity, and the joy of reaching new levels as a team.  Conflict between team members can be resolved in a much more constructive and growth oriented manner, building confidence in each team member.

Everyone has strengths.  Playing to those strengths, the results are more easily obtained and more numerous.  If we all had teams that were exactly like ourselves, how boring would that be?

A team of all Dominators would be jockeying for control, the Influencers would just want to play, the Steadies wouldn’t make a decision because of a fear of hurting someone’s feelings and the Conscientious ones would procrastinate until they reached perfection!

When you have a team of complementary styles, you have a balanced team that can function in harmony with each other.

DSWA Coach Excellence Program

You come to appreciate the strengths of others when they play in areas that are work for you. The DSWA Coach Excellence program really changed my life!

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As a result of developing a “coaching style,” I became more aware of my communication style and have been working on passing that awareness onto the people in my region. With this new found awareness in communication styles and behavior, the roadblock resulting from personal differences are much more easily eliminated. Knowing how to communicate so others hear and understand is the key to leadership. Effective leaders know how to communicate with all styles.

They can flow in and out of each style as required. The People Reader that I received at coach school has been an easy tool for quick reference to the key elements of other styles.  I have provided them for several of my field leaders to anchor this new information.

Leader’s Coaching Style

A recent email from a field leader presented an excellent opportunity to provide some coaching.   The leader who sent the email is high in the Influencer style.  The email was very emotional, placing blame on everyone except herself.  You could feel the anger, frustration, hurt and drama as you read it.

As I was coaching with the up-line leader in preparation for a telephone conversation, we looked at how this leader reacts in stressful times, what are her greatest fears, what are her strengths, what is the real issue behind the email.    With this knowledge the up-line leader was able to play to the her strengths, hold her whole, let go of the outcome, not take it personally, hear her out and redirect her energy in a positive direction.  This saved time, energy, relationships and provided a learning opportunity for all parties.  It was a win/win situation.  That type of situation would have put knots in my stomach before I attended coach school.  I would have successfully resolved the issue in the past, but not without agonizing over it and taking the barbs personally.  With the training from coach school I’ve been equipped to equip my leaders to do the same.  The new “me” can let go of the outcome, understanding that her expression of emotion makes her unique.  Now, time can be spent in productive activities:  building their teams, not putting out fires.  It has allowed everyone to own their greatness and to respond, not react.

Zig Ziglar – Coaching Is Giving

Like Zig Ziglar says, “You get everything in life you want when you help enough others get what they want.”  Coaching is the key to help people move from where they are to where they want to go, when they know what to do and just aren’t doing it.  Coaching will bridge the gap.  The goal is to create the environment that allows them to move one small step toward their goal with each connection you have with them.

When you develop these skills you have the feeling of peace and joy in life.  My life has much more joy and is more peaceful.  My word choices have changed and with that change a different attitude has become apparent.  I have more patience when interacting with others.  I can hold them whole and complete, listen with my heart, and respond to them in their communication style, all resulting in positive outcomes.   Being calm and peaceful can create stronger power and purpose.  Coach school has empowered me to find my purpose, follow it and be effective in accomplishing it.

DSWA Coach Excellence program created enormous changes in the way I view life.   As I continue to hone my skills, I know I am changing lives in a higher form.   The program has allowed me to be a leader of leaders.

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